New thing

My last post was kind of a downer.... Doing better, still stress but that's life. I keep asking God to help me trust Him - I guess He keeps giving me chances to do so😜. Well, this finally happened today:

Yay!!!! My husband got the garden started! He has a few more seeds to put in planters tomorrow or Friday ( i guess he needs to go get soil). We had a garden the first summer we lived in this house - Jacob was an infant. I loved to water and harvest the garden - it was so nice to go out my back door and get my fresh produce! I wish we could do berries, but I don't think my yard could take it😉. 

We just finished a series at Church base from Psalm 1:1-6. 

It was a really good series about Peace, and what it looks like. I know that God is wanting to free me (again!) and of course I am being the stubborn, cautious girl. I know in the back of my head there is this "But what if?"  I know I need to just jump in. I will, I want too. Sorry - this is a jumbled blog again, getting thought out. Words are powerful, both spoken and written. Okay so anyway, back to planting. New things. 

Growing is tough! For the planter , we have to make sure the soil is good, we have to water, weed, protect the seed from animals and weather. 

I'm believing that right now at this moment, I am growing and I am free!!! Ok I'm done - my brain is not focusing 😴😴😴

Life

I haven't written in awhile..... Been busy. Right now if you asked me how I am, I would have to answer: unhappy. I hate my life. I will be married to my husband for 10 years in October and it has been 10 years of the same crap - nothing changing, standing still, unchanging. We talk, we set goals, and nothing. Promises broken. I also hate who I am. I have to patience, no love, no time for anyone. I focus on myself, how to better me and my life. I pray, read my bible, attempt quiet times, but still feel as though God is far off. I am doing my best to believe I am loved, worthy, heard, and forgiven. I am struggling. Sorry, this was a real post. I will be back to my cheery self by Sunday 😊

What I see.....

What do I see?

I see imperfection ....I see uglyness....I see something that I dislike. I also see a cancer survivor. I see someone who is loud . I see someone who has been hurt and has hurt others. I see a work in progress. I see someone trying to change  for the better. I see someone who is an imperfect wife, mother, person. I see someone who wants to learn. I see someone who struggles with fear, anxiety, anger, rejection. I see someone Jesus is working on. And that is all that matters. 

Embrace the craziness

Well it's started.......

 

Yup , baseball season has begun! Chris and I did have have both boys in baseball ( one in coach pitch, the other in T- ball) but only one survived - the younger boy was not ready for it - there's always next year for him 😜 

It's crazy - running to this practice, trying to get uniforms, trying to get out with my boys ourselves to work with him ! Ugh! I love and hate this season! 😳 I love that my oldest loves this sport - he has found something that makes him light up. On the other hand, I hate the chaos, disorganization, all the running around, hours of sitting in the sun ( today it was FREEZING) that comes with these weeks of games and practices. What's a girl to do?!?

I was talking with a friend who is in the same situation as me - 2 boys playing ball, I think their dad is coaching both boys teams ( ones in kid pitch, other in coach pitch 😳😝). I was telling I didn't know how she did it, kept sane. She said something that has stuck with me. " we embrace the crazine. We just got with the flow. My boys are at an age that they can pick up if mommy is disliking something or flustered. I don't want them to associate baseball with a unhappy mom." WHOA. Ok I hear you Lord - I'm taking this piece of wisdom and running with it. 

So here is to embracing the crazy season of little league baseball! It will be over soon! Oh and to embrace it even more, I started keeping the score book - I saved an inning today! 😳😜😎⚾️

Well we will try this again!

Inspired by my sister-in-law, I thought I would give this a shot.....again. Five years ago, I tried this, invited people, and got.....well nothing =) I'm not a writer - that would be my sister. But I do like sharing life, being real, and learning. So sorry Bethany, I'm following your lead on this and going to try it out!

I guess what I want this to be is a place where I can share thoughts, life, opinions, and allow others to share it with me. It's a safe place, away from everyone , where only a few get to peak into my life. Ok this sounds like rambling - sorry. 

So here's to sharing life! Hope you will help me and enjoy this journey that I am on!