Wednesday, May 20, 2015

New thing



My last post was kind of a downer.... Doing better, still stress but that's life. I keep asking God to help me trust Him - I guess He keeps giving me chances to do so😜. Well, this finally happened today:

Yay!!!! My husband got the garden started! He has a few more seeds to put in planters tomorrow or Friday ( i guess he needs to go get soil). We had a garden the first summer we lived in this house - Jacob was an infant. I loved to water and harvest the garden - it was so nice to go out my back door and get my fresh produce! I wish we could do berries, but I don't think my yard could take itπŸ˜‰. 
We just finished a series at Church base from Psalm 1:1-6. 
It was a really good series about Peace, and what it looks like. I know that God is wanting to free me (again!) and of course I am being the stubborn, cautious girl. I know in the back of my head there is this "But what if?"  I know I need to just jump in. I will, I want too. Sorry - this is a jumbled blog again, getting thought out. Words are powerful, both spoken and written. Okay so anyway, back to planting. New things. 
Growing is tough! For the planter , we have to make sure the soil is good, we have to water, weed, protect the seed from animals and weather. 
I'm believing that right now at this moment, I am growing and I am free!!! Ok I'm done - my brain is not focusing 😴😴😴




Friday, May 8, 2015

Life

I haven't written in awhile..... Been busy. Right now if you asked me how I am, I would have to answer: unhappy. I hate my life. I will be married to my husband for 10 years in October and it has been 10 years of the same crap - nothing changing, standing still, unchanging. We talk, we set goals, and nothing. Promises broken. I also hate who I am. I have to patience, no love, no time for anyone. I focus on myself, how to better me and my life. I pray, read my bible, attempt quiet times, but still feel as though God is far off. I am doing my best to believe I am loved, worthy, heard, and forgiven. I am struggling. Sorry, this was a real post. I will be back to my cheery self by Sunday 😊